She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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