I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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