well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
