Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
