dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
