Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
