Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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