Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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