I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
