so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
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