Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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