Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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