I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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