The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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