Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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