I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
