You're earring is so big in my mouth
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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