between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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