Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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