i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
