the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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