You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think my moral compass just broke
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
