So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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