wakey wakey hands off snakey
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
