AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
