I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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