That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
