i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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