I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
