Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
