I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
