i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
