That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
