Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
