i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
