Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
