are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
