next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
