Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
