you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
