Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
last night I used snow as a chaser
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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