he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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