its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have already put on my inside pants.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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