OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
