i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
