there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i think my cat just said my name.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize