Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
