It's Friday. Sex?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
