I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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