Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
