i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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