god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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