you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
