i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
