i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize