hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
