i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
