Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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