you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
