I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
