guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
