Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
