It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
