I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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