I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
