My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
