did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
