Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Blood and glitter go together right?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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