do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
