we have officially lost it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
