I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
