Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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