last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
