I'm gonna have a badass scar
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
