Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
