so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
