i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My dick has a subreddit
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
