so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
